Random Thoughts

I know this is supposed to be a blog about the girls but I am going to digress into some personal thoughts. Maybe I should take the address of this blog off of my myspace.

I feel like I am going through such a change these days. My gut feeling that I should be leaving my job is getting stronger and stronger. (I really need to make this private now) Sometimes I am ready to take drastic measures to get there - get a cheaper car, cancel cable, etc. And then some days I feel the awful 'poor' feeling. Right now we don't need to scrimp and save to get by. I always swore that I would never go back to living that way. I DREAD it. I also don't want to deprive my girls of anything. So how much do we sacrifice to get there? Chris and I like to out to a nice dinner on occasion. I would hate it if that became a once a year thing permanently.

I wish I could see the future. If I knew that it would only last a year or so I would jump right in. Not that I have too much choice anyway - I can only hold out for so long when my gut makes a decision for me. :)

I might be better at the mom thing than the actuary thing anyway. As much as I get a lot of personal satisfaction from my job, it has always been a struggle for me. I don't think it is for everyone I work with. And for anyone who asks, I don't intend to just be a mom and do nothing else and have no options 20 years from now. Maybe I'll help Chris and join in with his business. I'm looking into tutoring Math. I'll find something, I do have confidence about that. Maybe I'll get involved with the girls' school somehow.

On another topic: I'm so excited that we've found a church that we like, finally. Lindsay likes her 'class' too. I shook the pastor's hand today when we came in, and I told Chris that I felt flustered, like I was meeting a celebrity or something! LOL! He's an amazing speaker though, and very charismatic in a fatherly sort of way. It seems like he is talking directly to you. And really funny. Does that make sense? We'll see if it continues. But it's really important to me that the girls grow up with church being a part of their lives. I feel that it will make a difference in how they turn out and who they associate with. Anyway - enough rambling. Night all!